My Shoulder To Cry On

What Is Uppppp!!

2012-02-10T14:57:00.000+08:00

what is uppppp my friends!!! haha ok, agak sidikit lama jua aku tak update pasal kehidupan aku, terutamanya disaat semua orang ternanti-nanti update daripada aku. heheh. aku tau rakan-rakan yang jauh agak sukar untuk mendengar khabar daripada aku, semenjak ketiadaan fb ni. sorry guys, aku bukan sengaja nak lari or lost contact daripada korang, tapi aku rasa fb had done no good to me rather than good things like staying connected with you all. But most of the time fb did a lot of damages in my life.

So I decided to get rid of it, walaupun aku agak menyesal lepas tu, memikirkan rakan-rakan yang jauh. "hakelah ape ade hal reactivate jela balik fb kau tu". er, that's the main problem. since aku memang taknak ada fb dah, n aku tau mark zuckerberg sangat licik (kita suma tau tiada istilah deactivate pun dalam fb), so I decided to create another fake and hentam ajelah email, with password I didn't even know including the answers to its security questions, then I change my fb email with the one I just created, and changed my fb password I did't even know. so there u go! I don't know my fb pasword n it's email's password. but I'll consider making a new one, just for my close but far friends. not today, but surely one day :)

so, back to the main event, how's my life after January the 22nd? shit, i'm stuck with this invisible rope tied to me. no more teenage life, girls, my life is done.

Kedudukan Wanita Menurut Al-quran dan Bible

2012-01-07T03:18:00.001+08:00

Post ni aku baca from blog arshad-terunadara, perihal perbandingan kedudukan wanita dalam bible dan al-quran. seronok baca. mulia sebenarnya seorang wanita ni di sisi islam. so aku pun terpanggil untuk share. selamat membaca. :)

Apa kata Bible tentang wanita?

“Wanita harus belajar dengan berdiam diri dan dengan rendah hati. Aku tidak membenarkan

wanita mengajar atau memerintah lelaki; wanita mesti berdiam diri. Hal ini demikian kerana Adam dicipta dahulu, kemudian barulah Hawa. Lagi pula bukan Adam yang ditipu, tetapi wanita yang tertipu, sehingga melanggar perintah Allah.”
(1 Timothy 2: 11-14)

Prank

2012-01-04T00:15:00.000+08:00

one word, unexpected. sial betul budak-budak rumah aku.
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Apa ada pada panggilan nama

2012-01-03T02:55:00.000+08:00

bahasa melayu ni unik sebenarnya. unik dari segi panggilan nama. tak macam bahasa inggeris, bahasa melayu ada banyak panggilan nama untuk pelbagai peringkat umur, pangkat dan golongan. contohnya, kalau bahasakan diri antara kawan-kawan, aku kau, antara awek dan balak, saya awak atau yang seumpama dengannya. antara mak bapak dan anak, abah kamu, dan macam-macam lagi lah kan! pak long kakcik ucu, kan kan?

tak macam bahasa inggeris yang setaraf nama panggilan untuk suma peringkat, yang hanya menggunakan I you, anak panggil bapak I you, balak panggil awek pun I you, bahasa melayu kalau salah tempatnya penggunaan panggilan nama itu, kekok dan pelik sangatlah bunyinya. malah boleh dikategorikan sebagai tidak menghormati yang lebih tua. tak perlulah aku nak bagi contoh korang pun tahu macam mana kan?

tetapi, kejanggalan inilah yang yang sebenarnya membawa keunikan. unik terutamanya bila kita dengar suami dan isteri, pasangan kekasih, saling memanggil aku kau. read more>>

Facebook

2012-01-01T23:24:00.002+08:00

facebook. addictive, tidak memberikan manfaat, malah menimbulkan masalah. banyak sangat dah masalah yang timbul sebab facebook. seriously im really2 sorry for those who have been broken hearted by my act in fb. :( this is not a gudbye wish for 2 years of bitter and sweet time with fb, this is just to say, i hate u facebook. go f off. so yeah, my very last status on fb.

Siti Nuraliaa Awatif

2011-12-04T22:59:00.013+08:00

people, when i was in high school, before may 2005 to be exact, u don't know how much i hate tkcian! tunku khursiah college's students, famous for their pride, egos, and jual mahal kaw2. oooo my that things really really annoyed me. But it was this girl, one of the tkcian she is, change my life, forever.

it was somewhere in the night of march 2005, when i got a number 0125435250.. kes nombor layang la niiii. miskol2 skettt, msg2 tnye sape sketttt.. hahahaha.. u all might be wondering, ''kepeng ko ni kate anti tkc, cane 1st time ko knl alia ko bole layan die?? anti tkc la kononnnn" that is a good question people, but I have a very2 good answer to that! aku kena tipu dia kata dia budak kgv dooooo. aku pun layan jela mane tauuuu.
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Antara nyawa dan rokok.

2011-05-11T17:33:00.005+08:00

wallaaaaweh!!! gillaaaa la weh! lame gileeee aku tak update blog ni.. wow, almost a year i think.. hahahaha..lame gile menyepi.. korang mesti cam tertunggu-tunggu update aku kn.. tiap-tiap hari bukak blog aku tgk bende tak berubah pn.. same je.. hahaha.. perasan byk followers lak en.. er, ade ke followers?

ok, straight to the point! hari ini aku nak menceritakan sebuah cerita, cerita yang dah lame aku nak cerita, cuma aku rasekan cam belum sampai mase yang sesuai untuk diceritakan. actually tak patut cite pn.. tp setelah dipendam sehingga setahun, biarlah aku ceritakan sebuah cerita yang bertajuk, antara nyawa dan rokok.
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the most happiest birthday of my life!

2011-01-04T17:49:00.006+08:00

1st, sbb me n my litte gurl celebrate kt bukit cahaya s.alam.. 1st time we went together for piknik! ngn syahiran n fatin n lehem n dayah lg!

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after almost two month

2010-12-30T03:24:00.003+08:00

wow, it has been almost two month, since the day I left.. so I think I should update some story am I?

well, the first few weeks have been really excruciating. people did not believe the thing that happened to me. they have been asking a lot of questions. some were questioning why did I choose to go home. I would rather keep my self locked in the house than going outside answering those questions.. hahahah!!

but then things have gone better. so now I've already started my classes at uniten. to tell you the truth I was scared when I started my new life here. afraid I am not going to be like what I used to be among my friend. and most importantly can I be able to make friends?
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Its Time To Say Goodbye

2010-11-04T06:19:00.009+08:00

When I thought farewell is a simple and pimple thing to do, I had a really emotional day today.. the most emotional farewell of my life I had between my friends.. I am very touched by the way they appreciated me, as I appreciate the friendship between us..

I still remember those early days in taylors.. we met, we exchange names, but we had no idea we could end up being a close group of friends.. and when I came to ottawa, I got to know a few other friends which I only know their names back in taylors.. we hang out, tell problems to each others, and end up being close friends..
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RE: Laptop

2010-10-14T08:09:00.002+08:00

owh yeah, just an update, my laptop has already been fixed.. tengkiu to kamal n legend.. walaupun mereka telah memarak (means membuka dgn kejam) laptop aku smpi terpaksa memetahkan sket part optical drive, tak kesah la janji bole bukak body dlm..

mmg betul jangkaan aku, harddrive aku rosak.. i dont know how.. so setelah ganti ngn harddrive from external aku, maka bole la digunakan.. cumanya, laptop aku ni baru berusia 3 bulan dah void warranty. tak kesah la janji bole gune je.. rosak balik pomen sendiri balik! hahahaha!

Laptop

2010-10-01T22:06:00.002+08:00

adoi, tension ohhhhh.. it has been 5 days really, my laptop haven't being fixed.. arghhhh aku frust! laptop baru beli kot, DELL kottttt..

it all happens after my friend did the hard drive partition.. then I closed my lappy to go to the class, n when came home opened my laptop, that damn laptop won't boot windows.. starting windows cam berkurun tunggu!

at first aku mls la nak format kan, bcuz there are so many pics inside.. ok my fault la jgk did not back it up into external. I thought when I have to reformat I can simply copn n paste all the files b4 formatting.. tak sangke lak probabilty for the windows wont boot happens kn. shit tol..

but my frens gave an alternative way, cabut hdd pasang kt comp lain nk amek all that files.. so try la bkk laptop ni.. but damn o damn, laptop ni, mcm xnk bg org bkk langsung! payah nak mampus! then we gave up, format jelah!

n here is the interesting part, nk format pn xleh! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! n after doing some diognastic testto my laptop, the result was ERROR MSG: no suitable media disk is present..

hdd rosakkah? mungkin.. nk use warranty xleh, I called dell centre they dont have the record for my product tag.. oh come on la weh, ble dah name satu brand, the warranty shud be international right! xkn beli kat msia warranty apllicable kt msia je..

adodoi.. another bad week for me.. :((

bye2 malaysia :'(

2010-09-16T22:20:00.004+08:00

4 bulan, abis suda.. pergh, cepat sangat.. :( ingat lagi aku bile sampai malaysia awal bulan 5 ari tu.. baru stgh jam je jumpe my alia dah ngadu sedeh nanti bulan 9 by nak balik dah.. and I was like rilex la dearrrr, 4 bulan lagi laaaaa... tapi rupe2 nye 4 bulan tu tak byk mase.. tak cukup aku rase 4 bulan.. huhuhuhu..

banyak sangat happiness, kenangan, suka duka.. aku rase, this 4 months adalah yg paling byk aku jumpe my little girl compared to any other 4 months.. atas bukit, tepi pantai, dekat pulau, byk tempat baru kami merantau dah menjelajah.. aaaaa bestnyeeeee.. :(

frankly saying, I wish I could transfer my study to malaysia.. tak kesah la asalkan aku sentiase rase dekat dgn org yg aku sayang, n there is no boundaries of dating time.. cam cuti aku ni bole kate tiap2 minggu g penang mat.. even alia kt kuantan pn selamber je turun kL n kuantan.. haish, JPA, nk sambung study msia bole laaaaa..

now Im back in ottawa, with the familiar smell of my house, bau dapur dalam bilik aku! huhuhu.. kekok betul rasenye, rase cam dah lame tinggalkan ottawa ble sampai2 td.. mybe I had a great time in malaysia.. smlm kat airport hong kong, I used to be very excited when I arrived there (mei ari tu punye cite ni).. yela, sbb aku tau in few hour je lg nk temui keseronokan! tp smlm, sdeh siot sampai hong kong airport.. :((

tengkiu 4 bulan yang bermakna..

RE: Bakat

2010-07-19T23:45:00.004+08:00

please, put on your headphones, n listen to my heart's melancholy
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kisah si moto kriss biru

2010-07-15T21:07:00.002+08:00

moto kriss biru! yes, during my day in taylor's university college, who doesn't know my famous moto kriss biru and I.. dari jauh nmpk moto kriss biru dah tau tu hasnur hakim adam!

hahahahah! banyak dowh kenangan silly aku dengan moto biru ni..

kat subang jaya specifically usj, klu ko ade ferrari ke, mitsubishi ke, mmg kalah teruk der klu race ngn moto.. daripade mydin smpi round abort persiaran kewajipan (lebih kurang dalam 1km), naik kete stgh jam! naik moto 5 minit!

tapi bangge la dengan rekod aku, 3.30s.. pergh.. cilok tak agak.. klu berentak side mirror kete tu mmg mcm xde pape la.. lantak je.. seronok, sbb kete tu hon, tp xleh bwt pape sebab tgh stuck dalam jam! suuuke nihhhhh!!!

moto kriss biru tu la aku gne tiap2 ari nk g kolej.. sangat berjasa.. aku xyah struggle nk bgn 6.30 nk beratur tggu bas.. klas kul 8, 7.40 bru bgn mmg sangat sempat lagi! tp mmg xleh ade prob tgh jalan la, which is why I had a story to tell.. tgh laju cilok ni, mase tu 7.55 nak g klas, tgh prenggggg tbe moto aku makin slow down..

kamal (pembonceng):weyh, apahal nih??
aku: aku rase minyak abes dowhhhh!!!

yes, that's my habit, dah tau minyak moto nak abis, tp malas nk isi! pagi2 mane sempat nak isi! so mengharapkn jela sempat sampai.. tp series yang xleh blah, baikkkk pnya time tu lalu dpn petronas.. time slow down tu aku trus melencong ke kanan meluncurrrr masuk btol2 dpn tmpt isi minyak.. trus!, 'akak 5 ringgit kaunter 2 cpt sket eh!'

hahaha.. lagi xleh blah on the way nak g klas, seb baik awl lg time tu.. (7.45 kre awal la bagi aku).. tbe2 'srehhhhhhh' (moto slow down)....

kamal: apehal pulak lagi niiiii..
aku: xtau ar dowh, enjin hidup lg..
*pandang tayar*
aku: rantai tecabut dowhhhhhh!

huhuhuhuhu.. malang tak beragak.. seb baik rantai tak putus.. tecabut dari spocket je.. hitam abes tgn2 nk masukkn balik rantai dlm spocket..

itu kire ok lg, nak balik umah lepas klas, aku bawak la moto dengan biase.. ade la stu simpang nak masuk apartment aku, ade construction kt simpang nk masuk tu.. time tgh bawak moto, aku lap la nak msuk simpang.. xtau la camane dowh, xckup mkn ke ape aku time tu, lap terambik lajak, GEDEGANG! aku hentak zink yang memagari construction yard tu! tegolek! pak gad bangunan maxis dpn construstion tu pn tekejut lalu terkeluar melihat aku, yg tergolek tanpa ade2 halangan pn disekeliling! malu siotttt.. klu accident kne langgar kete takpe gak.. ni tak semene2 langgar pagar zink.. perghhhhh.. die pandang aku muke pelikkkk je..

tu la antare kenangan2 xleh blah aku dgn moto kriss biru.. byk gak kenangan manis, kuar ngn si comel sayeee.. *heheeee*, konvoi ramai2 g kg baru, g klcc, eyh byk lagi la! skang ni, moto tu pn dah letak kt kedai bapak aku since aku pn tak pki lg dah..

byk sgt kenangan, and actually aku rindu kenangan2 aku semasa blajar di taylor's college..,

Bakat

2010-07-15T03:59:00.002+08:00

wow, its being a long time since I wrote a story on this blog.. biase la, blog ni ditulis tatkala aku kesedihan.. so long time no writing2, long time im happy la.. heheh

yup, this two month Im in malaysia, happy wok! jmpe gadis kecil saya everyweek, makan makanan buatan malaysia dgn sgt byk, dan saya rasa sgt gemuk sekarang ni! hahahahah!!

bakat! aku sememangnye bersyukur kpd tuhan sbb dianugerahkan bakat ni.. bakat bermain gitar, bakat menulis lagu.. lagu2 yg aku tulis tu xdela sedap mane pn(which is why I wont post it for you to watch or listen unless I dedicate it to someone else), tp aku berpeluang utk menulis lagu dan lirik utk meluahkan rase sedih, rase happy.. n actually lg feel! sbb pe, ble sedeh, kte bwt lagu sedeh, kte akn rase lg sedeh.. bke happy, kte bwt lagu happy, kte akn rase lg happy.. get what I mean?

ok get back to the mengadu thing, the last few weeks, I receive a news that makes me down very much.. mmg memotong abes segala ke-happy-an aku berada di malaysia.. I wont tell you, sbb actually belum confirm pn bende sedeh ni.. still aku masih berusaha untuk memastikan bende sedeh ini tidak berlaku, walaupn sebenarnye percentage utk berjaya sgt sikit!

siriesly, this might-be-happening musibah that I face right now, is the most mencabar jiwa dan sanubari.. 20 years of my life, this will be the most agonising defeat.. tp actually, I am ready.. 20 thn, aku nikmati kejayaan, kegembiraan setiap saat.. problem sket2 je.. no big deal.. so, sometimes you have to face the defeat of your life.. bru la org pggl life kan..

kesedihan ini, byk membantu aku berkarya utk menenangkan jiwa yg luka.. (selain of course solat).. terima kasih tuhan diatas anugerah ini..

I M U

2010-05-22T11:30:00.001+08:00

I miss the moment when you were beside me
I miss the nice long chat I had with you
I miss the laugh we had together
I miss strumming my guitar where you sang along
I miss drinking the glass of water with you on the other straw
I miss ramming my motorcycle when passing by you
I miss your sweet little slap and pinch
I miss eating ice cream on a sunny day with you

Yes, I do miss you

When You Go Would You Have The Guts To Say

2010-05-06T14:53:00.000+08:00

saje tibe2 nak post lagu ni dlm blog.. just so you know, this is my favourite song ever.. byk sejarah lagu ni.. lagu ni la aku slalu dgr ble aku frust.. sbb lagu ni la fon kne rampas ngn waden sbb melalak nyanyi lagu ni dlm bilik study smpi lalu pn tak perasan.. tgh gado ngn awek kot mase ni, yg pas tu membawa kpd awek aku dtg sdar! sbb fon aku dah kne rampas.. nk spm dah.. so nk selesaikan gado la ctenye.. hahahahahah!! charooooo!! sume sbb lagu ni..

act I like the way gerard mcr sang this song.. penuh perasaan.. even though tajuk lagu i dont love you kn, tp tersiratnye, its about a man who had to let go his beloved one.. kre mcm sayang tp terpakse lepaskan la.. sbb tak thn perangai awek die.. tp still sayang! hahhaaaaa.. korang dgr la ribu kali nk bg paham.. aku dh tgk juta kali..

Niagara Falls Trip

2010-05-03T13:22:00.000+08:00

Hallu semua!
Just wanna share you all some videos of my fren and I going to niagara falls 29 April 2010 yg lalu. enjoy!
(credit to Kamal for his video)

The Staggering Truth!

2010-04-28T13:57:00.004+08:00

first of all, EXAM DAH ABES WEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fuh! ok, masuk kepada cerita berkaitan.. there's one facebook application ni, where we were ask about our frens' things that we might not tell them the truth because of our coy or afraid to hurt their feelings.. so ble kte jawab tu, mmg application to wont tell who's actually answered the question..

and to know who answerer it we had to have credits, obtained from buying online or answering other's questions..

alaaaa aku tau korang pn mesti penah jwb bende2 ni.. soalan2 mcm, do you had a crush on Hasnur Hakim , etc etc.. and with all my hardworking, I managed to get the credits enough to know the all the persons behind the answers about me..

and what did I get? the staggering truth! hahahahah!! well not all la.. ade yang aku tau diorg gurau2, cam membe sdar aku.. gak2 la klu soalan do you had a crush on hasnur hakim and they answer yes, they really meant in kn.. tp ade certain2 mcm klu yg gurl2 tu la..

well maybe xleh nk pecaye 100% gak kn.. nnti perasan je lebey.. hahahhahah.. maybe they were joking too.. mcm aku gak ar.. pnye ar nk dpt credit, nk beli jgn harap la.. so aku pn menjwb soalan psl fren2 aku, technically! hahahaha!! act aku just click je NO kt sume soalan laju2..

so this is actually my main point, is to tell everyone, if they saw my answer is NO, I never meant it.. klu mcm ade soalan do you think ________ is a good fren, aku jawab no, jgn terase lak ye,, aku just main tekan!

frustration, disappointment, envy, reluctant, not in the mood, exhausted..

2010-04-23T13:56:00.002+08:00

frustration, disappointment, envy, reluctant, not in the mood, exhausted.. semua ini hanya kerana sepasang but bola..

yes, it sounds absurd, but it is! sudah hampir 4 hari aku beronline, menjelajah ke kedai2 mencari kasut ini.. kasut yang sebijik macam ni.. tp malangnye, sume habis stock!!!!
frustration: kasut abes stock, klu ade pn yg fake, or size besar sgt!
dissapoinment" of cos ah, abes explore tp tak jmpe
envy: membe carleton aku sume dah abes exam!
reluctant: search bende2 ni sume menjadikan aku x study for exam!
not in the mood: even dah abes search pn, xde mood nk study gk sbb down!
exhausted: penat jln pusing2 town carik kasut!

tggu ar, aku mmg akn tetap carik kasut ni, biar ar smpi hujung dunia pn aku merantau..

why am I blogging.. (ingin bermigrasi)

2010-04-10T15:10:00.002+08:00

people, if you all realize, you can see that I always post kinda sad stories into my blog.. you might thinking wut a depressing life I faced everyday by reading at my mostly sad stories..

no no no.. I am not as bore as you might think.. I am always happy.. It is only when I'm sad, or pressured I wrote on this website.. you can tell by just looking back to my last post, which was way way before.. and how rarely I wrote a new post, simply because I dont have any problem to share with.

so yeah! NOW, instead of using the title 'and the journey's on', where obviously I had to tell each and every story of my life every single day, I changed the title to 'my shoulder to cry on'..

congrats blogger, u r officially another 'person' who will weep my tears and hear my depressing stories! (after my little gurl and my bestfren!). sometimes, by just telling to them is not enough, so you will take action!
****************************************************************

so this is my first sad story after taking you as my listener!
(bm mode)
aku rase cam nak pindah.. hahahahah!! okla cte ni xdela sedeh ape pn.. setelah 8 bulan aku duduk sgt jauh dari u aku, well act xdela jauh pn.. naik bas baru 20 minit.. mcm simpang nk ke tpg gk la.. tp tu la, teringin rasa hati nak ddk btol2 dekat..

now ni duduk jauh bkn sebab ape, ade kawan2, yg kesemuanya budak u carleton.. (fyi, kt ottawa city ade 2 u, carleton and ottawa u.. mine is ottawa u ) tp rase cam dah byk menyusahkan membe2 aku, menyakitkan hati membe2 aku sepanjang aku tggl ngn diorg.. cukupla rasenye kan.. tggl asing2 hati sesape tak cpt saket, agak2 nak lepak anytime bole gerak..

but still, this is just my initial plan.. still have to discuss with my uni-mate, whether they wanna join me staying together or not..

Happy Birthday

2010-01-09T04:21:00.003+08:00

How happy I am when this day come, remind me of how the fate set us to be meant together. We always have 2 weekends to celebrate our birthday. If this weekend we'll go out to celebrate mine, the next weekend we'll go out again to celebrate yours.

Sadly today, there's no more hanging out for celebration. Just me in front of my laptop, wishing you a happy teen no more. But still, I am so glad to celebrate our 5th birthday together. 5 years of happy and sad, onak ranjau berliku, but we still together.

I still remember those birthdays we celebrate, the first surprise you gave me, . The second was just in the school. Tak bole outing.. But I remember my parents and I came to pick you up, keluar makan2, before daftar masuk for new term. Thats the first time you met my parents. The third with a little bit sad, where I finally pasrah to let you go to utp. 4th is the best, because we finally can celebrate on the exact date of your birthday.

Happy birthday sayang.. Sweet 20.. but for me you still be my little gurl! semoga kita akan sentiasa celebrate besday together for years to come..

O Canada

2010-01-08T08:19:00.002+08:00

O Canada, the blah blah native land blah blah blah! act for those who didnt know, O canada is the title of canadian anthem song.. and here's me, sitting alone, 'sigh'ing OOooooOOOO CAnada!!!

frankly, I miss my home.. I shouldn't do this.. I shouldn't make this decision.. I should stay.. I should be with people that I love to be with..

yup, I admit that I made a mistake, the mistake that I cant pull back..

maybe you people out there dreaming to be in my place.. that was me before I arrived here.. there's nothing wrong with this country actually.. you can play with the snow all day long.. -20 is not big a deal. sunset at 4pm really not a big deal. finding it hard to eat halal food not a big deal. mingling with people who barely speaks your mother tongue also really not a big deal..

but for me, all this joy is empty.. I am incomplete, just because of a person that I care much, I love so much, is not here with me, not being with me during the time that everyone calls it joy.

I know, my life will be completely different if she's around.. at first I try to suck it up. Trying to convinced myself dat this is just temporary.. trying to explain that my laziness makes me miss her and I shall recover soon Im not lazy anymore.. but no, then I realize, I am lazy because I miss her.. there is nothing dat can cure this decease until Im beside her..

semalam my fren told me this.. "hakim, kalau ko syg die, ko tak patut tinggal datang sini.." I know before I came here, while making the decision, I will be missing her.. But what makes me still going is the long term plan.. studying overseas, kept some money, finished your study go back home and get married.. kre kes kawin awal la ni.. mybe I can had some fun when Im there, so I am not missing her so much..

ekkkkkk!!! totally wrong! I never had so much fun here, because I miss her so much.. and wut had my fren said yesterday, makes me realize, I had make huge mistake..

My first wish is to have her here in canada with me.. but I know that is impossible.. so wut I really wish rite know, is to stop all this, and flew back to the place I am comfortable with, which is her..

do I have the guts, to dumped everything, and face all the humiliation, so that I can go back?

Teen No More

2010-01-03T18:16:00.002+08:00

Hampir 8 thn hidup aku, bile org tnye umur brape? I must say 'belas' at the end.. Or if in english if sumone ask how old r u? for the last 6 years I've answered with 'teen' at the back.. dan kini, hahahah! teen no more, belas sudah tiade..

selamat hari jadi diri ini.. sudah 20 thn umur anda.. sudah 2 dekad anda menghirup udara dimuka bumi ini.. sudah bermacam2 tempat yang anda terokai, taiping tempat dirimu menikmati keseronokan zaman kanak2 mu, seremban tempat dirimu mula mngenali dunia sebenar seorang remaja, dunia sebenar sebuah percintaan, kuala lumpur tempat dirimu didedahkan dengan dunia bebas yg penuh pancaroba..

dan kini, genapnya 2 dekad, aku sudah berada jauh dari tempat aku dilahirkan.. menikmati zaman dewasa, zaman universiti.. 20 tahun ialah titik permulaan hidup ini.. titik yang menentukan kemana arah tuju kita.. zaman remaja hanyalah ibarat pra latihan, dimana kita membuat segala kesilapan yg ada..

special thanks to people who have been with me going through my life.. mama, abah without you, i would never exist for 2 decades now.. to my little gurl, i had a really great time with you this 5 years.. wow, still remember when I first met you, I was only 15.. I still remember our words when we missing each other, "xpe 10 thn lg!" now its just 5 years more.. wohhoooooo.. okla planning kte to make it short rite!?

of course second is my best fren syahiran! yg tak pernah bosan untuk berborak from 12am to 5am.. yg selalu mendgr cerita sedih dan gembira aku.. yg sangat dapat membace ape yg aku pikirkan.. mmg zoolander abes! hahahahh! be tough with fatin dowh.. we will make a record.. terima kasih untuk 7 thn ini..

Saya sayang kamu semua..

Kami Pernah Rapat

2009-12-16T18:19:00.002+08:00

Hai, membace semule message archive dgn org2 ni, teringat zaman2 aku rapat dgn mereka.. bkn kawan2 sekolah lame yang dh tak jmpe, tu even tak rapat cm dulu dh, tp kdg2 still contact2.. tp org2 yg aku maksudkan ini ialah org yg dlu aku kemain rapat, tp kini tidak lg.. sebab? of cos la, kawan, mmg xde bende lain la selain gado kn..

ble bace balik ym2, tergelak aku sorang.. teringt saat menggile dgn mereka2.. betting bola, lepak2 depan lif, kutuk2 orang, melalak2 dgn gitar same2.. kondem2.. pergaduhan yang telah berlaku, mmg membwtkn aku bengang dan terus bengang,, ditambah status fb (yg aku tau ditujukan utk aku) membuatkan aku bertambah lg bengang.. sampai rase nk sepak die kalau jmpe die time tgh gle barbeng bengang tu..

tp bile membace kenangan2 yg terpahat melalui ym, sejuk rase hati ini.. terase mcm nk je ym die skang, "weh, sory dowh".. tp ntah, ego kot.. hahahahaha.. walaupn jenuh cube meyakinkan hati ini yg berkawan biar seribu, hilang 1 ade lg 999 kn.. tp, rase mcm kehilangan sebutir emas dalam seribu berlian pulak.. (emas kn lg berharge dr berlian)..

pastu terbace pulak ym dgn skandal dlu.. ah sudahhhhhh.. jgn dicteeeee.. bahaye mat bahaye.. ble dh name pn skandal kn, ym bkn biase2 la.. hahahaha.. tp nope, with this one, no more with.. insaf sudah aku.. cukuplah kecurangan yg dilakukan.. cume just teringat balik je ble bace balik ym lame..

to all these people, adakah kita berpeluang utk kembali rapat semula? mungkin..

Suasana Musim Salju..

2009-12-11T06:25:00.002+08:00

Hmmm.. it was yesterday actually, when I had the chance to experience the winter atmosphere.. quite fun gak la tgk weh.. not so sejuk sgt lg kn.. around -6.. my fren in malaysia said "ko gle ke hape -6 awl2 winter!" hahahah!! agak pelik utk aku mengaku yg -6 xdela rase sejuk sgt.. mungkin dh terbiase dgn cuace sejuk sentiase kt sini.. but still its annoying!!! no more selipar jepun n shorts nk lepak2 kt luar!

ok sambung cte suasane, melihat kerete yg penuh dgn salji, slide sane slide sini, salji tebal buku lali, there is always people clearing the streets n n roads with their bulldozers, anjing pakai stokin (ni paling xleh blah), agak excited melihat sume bnde2 baru.. mcm mase f1 kt sdar dlu kn, bapak jakunlah dpn naik komuter balek semban from kl sentral.. hahahah!!!

then setelah dah abis tgk sume bende2 excited while on my way to the campus, masuk pulak bende tak excited!! which is.... yes paper mechanics!! tuhan jela tau betape hancurnye aku.. smpi aku nazar aku puase seminggu n sedekah seratus kt masjid aku lulus.. pnye la konfiden akan fail kn!! hmmmm.. xtau la aku dowh.. bapak malas dok sini.. Klas mechie dh brape lame tak attend.. n then I have three days utk act study balik betol2, but that three whole days were wasted just like dat! paper ptt ends at 5, kul 4 aku dh kluar.. there's nothing more i can do..

then dh balik umah,, its snowing timeeee!!! hahahahh!! lupe jap pasal exam, ktorg budak2 umah, tolak legend yg tgh tido n alip yg hilang pegi date, membuat snowman malaysia kat balkoni! why malaysia? sbb ade songkok n die pgg pelite.. hahahah!! seriesly fun! walaupn 2 3 kali aku surrender sbb tgn dh sejuk.. ha tu gambar dia kt atas.. gempak kn kitorg mmbuat snowman?? hahhaaaa!! bangge kejap! bdk2 alberta bwt ade bdn ngn kepale je (2 parts), same gk aku tgk azri besar bwt ngn membe die, ktorg 3 parts!!! siap ade butang baju lg!! tggi bahu ckp ko!!!

huhu.. 1st time experince.. so agak jakun gk la..

Menitis Air Mata Ini

2009-12-09T09:37:00.002+08:00

My oh my.. aku xtau kenape hari ni, aku rindu sgt kt die.. betape aku rase jauh sgt dgn die.. mungkin dh 4 bln kami berjauhan.. 4 bulan nmpk mcm tak lame kn? tp tak bg aku.. mungkin sbb aku dh terbiase saat aku dkt sgt dgn die.. ble rindu aku trus jmpe die..

mybe dis is wut we call it love sick kn.. hahahah.. klakar ble pk balik.. kt sdar dlu time f1, homesick.. now lovesick.. menangis aku hari ni.. menangis mngenang kembali saat gembire kami, saat seronok saling menyakat..

Smpi aku rase, klu aku ade duit la winter break ni, aku nk balik.. n aku xnk dtg dh bumi org ni.. segale yg baru mmg excited bg sume org.. tp bg aku kali ini, saat ini, kosong, tnpa dia.. Klu bolehlah kelulusan aku skarang ni, dgn sijil icpu yg aku ade aku bole bwt pemohonan utk msuk uia kuantan, aku rase mcm dh tak kisah kne kick jpa.. tp aku tau, uia kuantan hnye utk dunie medic, dunie bio.. aku minat bio, cita2 ku dulu pharmacist.. tp sijil icpu aku kelulusan engineering.. there is no biology in it.. bole ke?

aku rindu sentuhan die, aku rindu pegangan erat die di lgn aku, aku rindu mnatap matanya yg bersinar dgn cinta, aku rindu sennyuman comel die, aku rindu cebikan manje die, aku rindu kasih syg die.. I miss everything about her..

andai kate la aku tak lepas, aku balik malaysia, n the first thing I will do is to try my best apply uia kuantan.. teringin rasa hati ini, utk menatap wajahnya setiap hari, tak pernah aku bwt selame 4 thn kami.. aku teringin utk belajar bersama dia.. aku teringin berkongsi masalahku dihadapannya sepanjang mase..

doakan final exam aku kawan2..

snowie snowie~~

2009-12-08T17:38:00.002+08:00

aku sebenanye terinspirasi drpd cite nur kasih act,, satu babak dimane Nur sentiase menulis emel pd Adam,, walaupn hakikatnye Adam tgh dlm situasi perang, tgh cedere, agak2 la nk bkk intenet weh! Tp Nur still menulis tnpe berputus ase..

pergh,, so disini aku pn akan menulis blob ini, tak kire la org nk bace ke xnk ke, aku dh tak heran.. dlu heran gk la.. sbb aku rase mcm xde peminat je nk bace blog aku, so aku stop menulis.. tp kini tidak lg! lgpn, ble aku bace2 balik post2 yg dh lame aku tggl, kenangan terpahat di hati..

hahahah! dan hari ini, secare officialnye Ottawa Canada memasuki musim sejuk! saljiiiii..n forecast juge meramalkan hari2 akan dtg sume negative, luse -14! hambek ko, xtau ar cane.. dh la dgn nk final exam.. study?? hanghammmm.. aku rase sehancur2 aku kt taylor, terlampau hancur lg aku kt sini.. adoi, klu aku xde motivasi diri, aku bole jahanam dowh.. klas escape, lab skip2, assgnmnt kejap anta kejap tak.. gle dowh gle.. ni pulak nk final exam, stu haprak pn xtau n tak study lg.. semoge tuhan jela menolong..

td, semase pertame kalinye salji turun, ktorg bdk2 umah ni pn kluar la dpn umah main2 salji.. hepy diorg.. aku?? kurang.. dalam hati, teringatkn si die.. alangkah indahnye klu saat gembire, 1st experience tu aku dpt kongsi bersame.. with my little gurl.. baling2 salji.. hahahaha.. teringat skali dlu pegi snow world kt genting.. itu jela moment yg aku ade ngn die dlm suasane salji.. the precious 20 minutes.. Masih tak hilang lg rase bersalah ni.. masih terngiang2 kekejaman yg telah aku lakukan dulu..

well, maybe someday, I will bring my little gurl to this kind of place.. this real snow world.. act sebenanye aku lg ske fall! sbb lg cantik, daun kuning, esp maple trees.. damn so beautiful dowh! someday I will..

betulkah aku?

2009-12-06T11:05:00.002+08:00

Hoiiiishh.. bapak dah lame ah tak tulis blog.. mesti ramai yg dah tak bace dh blog aku.. penah ade yg bace ke? hahah! well, now its been 3 month aku dh kt sini, kat bumi orang, bumi canada.. wow, its getting colder and colder each and evryday..

sumpah, aku rindu malaysia.. pepatah ade cakap, hujan emas di negeri orang, hujan batu di negeri sendiri, lebih baik di negeri sendiri.. hmm, betul la tu ape yg dicakap. Im feeling that right now.. sebab?

memang, canada negare maju, mmg byk btol wut so called emas kat sini.. intenet is way better, barang is way cheaper.. But, I cant help myself from not starting to love staying here.. why?sebab bapak tak best lah dok negare atas angin ni!!!

reason satu: kul 5 dah gelap!!! bosannnnnnn!!! klu kt malaysia, kul 5 aku bru nk turun main bola, (klu turun main la).. Here at 5, its time to open ur light, take ur bath, have ur dinner.. Hang out at 9? no no no, its already late night.. ceh!

reason 2: entah lah, dh xde kot.. hahahah! xtau la, its just that i miss my home so much.. ha okla bab makan reason 2.. sini kn bukan negare islam, susah gk la nk makan.. bapak rindu lah mcD, dh la skang kt msia tgh prosperity burger.. kt sini xde.. ade pn cam la bole mkn.. huhuhuh.. nnti kang main taram je jahanam aku dok sini.. ckupla bnde2 wajib yg aku xbwt.. nk tmbh pulak bwt bnde haram? adodoi.. obviously kt malaysia, mkn is no hal.. walaupn pd stu tahap kt taylor dlu aku kurus baba kn, tu sbb xde duit, bkn xde pilihan makanan yg byk.. dlu, kg bru?? jommmmm!!! steak house kdi koboi kita gerak!! bidara? jommmmmm!!! roti nan sama shisha kita lantak!!! hahahah, really miss dat..

well, klu dihitung balik, tolak tensen2 yg aku hadapi, taylor is one of my best teenage time I can say.. Highskool still the best la.. tp time skola dlu still termaktub dgn undang2 rite.. so x bape nk bebas.. but really enjoying doing absurd thing! panjat bumbung, pecah msuk bilik waden tgk bola, tgkp ikan dlm kolam bwt bbq, pesta mandi dlm bilik basuh, jd hantu pocong ranjau junior (ni the best la).. hahahahahah!!! tu mmg sume keje bodoh tp bapak best! dilakukan sbb tak bebas kn..

so kt taylor, pengalaman2 kami remaje2 bebas yg bwt keje yg best! of cos ditambah dgn moto2 yg kami suma ada.. hahaha! lc, kriss, ex5, 125z, lagenda, kristar, moto2 yg menggegar taylor pagi dan petang hari, yg konvoi ramai2 ke kg baru, ke klcc, ke bidara.. hmmm, aku rase if aku tak terikat dgn perjanjian jpa, maybe my life wud be much2 enjoyable there..

oklah, I have to admit, I miss taylor moment bcuz I miss the moment with my little gurl during dat period of time.. Aku tak tau klu die appreciate dat momentvke x, yelah, katenye ble aku dh kt taylor aku dh byk berubah.. ok dats my fault I know.. Kuat gk la quarreling.. but still, aku rase from july 2008 to mei 2009 quite a sweet time with her.. sbb? aku dkt sgt ngn die!! hahahah!!! subang n pj! turun G, pki helmet, start kriss biru, memecut through persiaran kewajipan, enter npe, masuk jalan gasing disusuli jalan universiti! meet whom?? u already know.. time kt sdar dlu pn dekat gk tkc n sdar kn, tp still tak best.. yelah, skola, bkn bole kluar sng2, jmpe sbln skali.. kt taylor nk jmpe anytime.. xyah nk set2 sbln before met.. klu kate nk jmpe, bz tak esok? tak! ok jom date kt mid! (kt taylor mid la slalu, highskool timesquare) maka bercinta lah kami menaiki moto.. weeeeee~~~

huhuhu, siyes la dowh.. aku rindu sgt all dat moment ngn die.. ok la with my fren too.. nnti ckp aku asyik ngn awek je smpi lupe membe lak kn.. kadang2 tpikir, betul ke decision aku fly ni? act mase kt taylor dlu lg dah aku dh pk, tp I cant do nothing becuz I know its already too late.. org sume dh tau aku bakal fly kn, so klu aku ttbe kantoi tak lepas bapak lah malu.. dlu kt taylor pnye la tensen dan berharap dapat fly.. tp dh kt sini rase cam lg better dok msia lak.. hahahah!!

hai, sifat manusia, tak penah puas dgn ape yg ade.. but wut to do, I have no way back.. Biarlah kenangan skadar tggl kenangan.. kehidupan still perlu diteruskan.. I emphasize it again, klu life aku kt taylor dlu was without any bond to any agreement, my life wud be better.. tp klu dh x fly bwt pe la nk dok talyor kn, better g u kerajaan.. and I can live happily ever after with her, with frens..

bkn la tak best ngn membe kt sini kn, best.. tp tak best hidup ngn suasane canada.. kurang best.. bapak lah pnjang aku tulis.. gTg, chao!

And tHe JouRney'S On..

2009-09-03T22:09:00.002+08:00

tomorrow is my flight.. 4sept, 1130pm.. haish.. berat hati ini untuk meninggalkan mereka.. my mom, my dad, my best fren, my hang out place..

Tp most aching of all, my Little gurl.. yang telah bersama dgnku for the last 4 years++.. Suka duka, menangis, ketawa, menyakat, merajuk, memujuk.. Tp apakan daya, hidup perlu diteruskan.. Aku takut, takut jika hatiku berubah.. Cuma tuhan saja tahu betapa aku sayangkan dia.. Sedangkan sekeras2 batu mampu berubah bentuknya, inikan pula hati manusia..

Pergiku diiringi doa, agar hati ini sentiasa teguh, agar hati ini berpegang pada janji, agar hati ini tetap pada yang satu..

Farewell everyone.. See you in 4 years.. 2 years if god will..

New Updates!

2009-08-08T21:45:00.002+08:00

Okay2, atas pemintaan ramai, aku dgn rela hati pn mngerahkan tanagaku untuk mengupdate blog ini, untuk menceritekan my life rite now..

FLY? YES I WILL
yup,, ssh payah aku slame sethn kt taylor,, tensen sane tensen sini,, carut sane carut sini,, dengan sedikit luck (syukur alhamdulillah), aku dpt jgk fly.. final exam marks aku tak lepas pn, 78.7.. tp taylor decide to increase it up to 80, so I fly!

UNIVERSITY? U OF OTTAWA I WILL GO
located at the middle of canada's capital city, university of ottawa menawarkan chemical engineering,, kos yg aku nk amek.. visa dh siap, passport dh siap, fly 4th sept! jemput la ramai2 anta aku ek..

NAZAR? THAT's THE SECRET
haah.. aku nazar wehhh.. hahahaha.. disaat aku rase cm dh ssh je nk fly, aku bernazar, andai aku dpt fly, aku sedekah RM*** kt masjid.. and, Alhamdulillahhhhh.. aku akn bayar nazar aku esok! janji!

LONG+REBOND? MY NEW STYLAH
ehekkkk.. korang nk tgk? jgn harap ar aku nk tunjuk.. aku xde nk update pic baru aku.. nk tgk pndi2 ar cri aku.. hahahaha.. bkn pe, kt sane sejuk, so rambut panjang nk tutup telinge supaye tak sejuk!

It ends?? Is it? IT really ENds??

2009-06-02T23:40:00.004+08:00

hohohoho..

Ow my god!

gle, mmg gle.. icpu dh abes woooooo!!! ahahahahahah!!!

ahhhhhkahkahkahkahkahkahkahkah!!! hadoi, bapak la pancit gelak kau..

aku sebenanye xde ape nk ckp ni..

so, seperti yg aku bwt pd sem lps utk blog aku yg lepas, aku akn mengbwt liputan highlight utk paper2 exam yg telah aku lalui selame 3 hari yg lalu..

[27 May, 9am - English 4U]
tak mcm lepas, aku rase aku bole bwt.. cume ade la certain2 literary criticism yg aku tak tau camane nk korek.. kesimpulannye, subjek english icpu mmg cilake! org laen tak pn study novel mcm nk mati.. icpu bapak la gelabah weh! eyyyyy!! aku bom jgk canada ni kang!

[29 May, 3pm - Computer Science]
target = 99%!
hahahah! konpiden sepam! yep, aku mmg ske computer sc.. n act senang je pn.. hahahaha.. n ni la jgk harapan aku utk cover subjek laen yg jahanam..

[1 June, 9am - Calculus & Vectors]
cam biase, I hate mathhhhh!!! n cam biase sem lepas gk, kwn2 diapplykn dgn sebaikya!
hahahah! kredit bwt kawan kg halamanku, thakip!

kesimpulannye, aku rase peluang tu mungkin ade.. mungkin.. hoho.. klu nk ikutkn, markah aku , coursework sem ni + markah overall sem lepas, 79.7.. hmm, harap2 la ade yg sudi membantu memaintainkn markah aku tu..

btw, thx tu evryone! quite enjoy being here with u! learning new kind of life.. eventhough it was agonising all the time.. sbb pressure study.. thx Teacher Joanne, thx for teaching me advance function n calculus for two sem.. thx Mr Les.. I always wish I have another opportunity to learn from u again this sem.. thx also Mr Wise n Mr Allan.. sarchastic but fun! :D Mr Ben n Mr Chai, you two are experts!

siriesly, this sem was quite relax compared to last sem.. walaupn byk cabaran, terbesar cpt la.. but i have never dream of accomplished it! hohoh!

hai icpu, i learn so much from u.. even if i dont stand a chance to fly, but this icpu gave me something, transformed me into being the next stage of man..

Presentation Damn!

2009-05-21T13:45:00.002+08:00

siot tol!

hari ini, saya ada presentasi bahasa inggeris, jadi, saya tiba2 terlahir idea *pronouce e-di-a* untuk melakukan presentasi yang luar dari biasanya.. yg blum penah2 saya lakukan ia..

cilakak tol.. nk dpt dh idea ni nk bwt puppet show.. menggunekn teddy bear yg aku pinjam! (kredit kepada my housemate and classmate, dol dan jijah bukan nama sebenar) dh jd dh sket.. tp aku dpt rasekn bahawe excitement semakin decline..

hadoi..

mungkin, persediaan tak lengkap.. mane taknye, slide start bwt selase mlm, lepas abes tgk desperate housewives kul 11.30.. ptg rabu tgk sket2, mlm tu kul 9 lepas mkn trus tdo! pg esok bgn g skola trus present! ahahahah!
tp nk bwt gempak.. mane nk jd..

pastu bwt la pulak xde mse!!
mangkok!

conclusion?? extraordinary mission failed! maybe 50% success kottt
org gelak gk awal2! hahahah!

tp,,

aku hepy lepas tu, ble kt kelas computer, aku dianugerahkan sebagai presenter terbaek! *wink2* heheh! pdhal sumpah, presentation tu aku tak prepare pape..

maybe, I,ll jus need to stay with an ordinary presentation.. huhuhu

Korang Ingt Manusia je ke yang mau pakai Teknik???

2009-05-20T03:16:00.005+08:00

ahhhhkahkahkah!! okeh rilek!
ni antare teknik2 kamasutra yg sering diapplykn oleh manusia (yg aku tau!)..
-69
-doggy style
-dan lain2 lagi!

akan tetapi, korang ingt manusie je ke yg nk apply teknik2 ni? anjing pn mau jugaaaa!!!

kahhhhhkahkahkahkah!!
tapi bile close up dilakukn, rupe2nye anjing ni tesilap masuk lobang daaaa..
pastu xleh nk bwk kluar.. so melekat la!

moral of this story: janganlah meliwat.. haram..

Nasik Goreng Kampung.. kaler hitam???

2009-05-18T23:37:00.002+08:00

kahkahkahkah! sumpah xleh blah..

critanya berlaku pd semalam hari.. tatkala terlahir idea oleh roommateku gg,,

"weh hakim, jom bwt nasik goreng jom! kte beli serbuk perencah pastu bwt la!"

setelah berfikir utk dua saat, set!!

maka gg pn membeli perencah, aku masak nsk..

setelah nasik dimasak,, minda ini merecall semula cara2 membwt nsk goreng..
bkn pengalaman membwt nsk goreng yg direcall, tp penglaman melihat org membwt nasik goreng yg cuba diingati semula.. hahaha!

*1st step - tumis bhn, 2nd step - masuk nsk, 3rd step - settle!*

so, dgn gaye conpiden dan stylonya, aku pn memasukkn minyak, dan serbuk perencah..

gg: woi, apsal ko masuk perencah dlu, masuk nsk dlu dowh..
chef: atok ko masuk nsk dlu.. tumis bhn2 dlu la.. aku tgk tukang masak kt kdi bapak aku bwt cmni..
gg: masalahnye yg tukang masak bapak ko tumis bnde yg blum masak.. ni pasta dowh,, takyah tumis2.. cube ko tgk instruction kt blakang paket tu!

aku pn melihat,,
*1st step - masuk minyak, 2nd step - masuk nsk, 3rd step - masuk perencah dan gaul..*
ah sudah.. tp xpe! aku masih konpiden dgn ape yg tukang masak kdi bapak aku bwt!!

chef: alaa, tumis ni pn bole laaa,, ko tgk la nnti mendidih sumpah bau die naek.. mantop pnye..

2 mnt kemudian, setelah bhn tumis mendidih..

nazrin: *dr jauh* woiii!! bau ape ni!!
gg: pundek akem!! hangit bodo!! masuk nasik cptt!!

maka, msk pn siap.. gamba dlm paket cantek pnya kaler oren,, nsk goreng dlm rice cooker??
hitam!!

kahkahkah! wut an experience!

New Champ, New Spirit!

2009-05-17T19:01:00.002+08:00

Hoho.. my Man U.. again and again.. 3rd consecutive league title.. hohoho.. masih ingt memori lama, tatkala Chelsea berlagak mcm katak! (ade kne mengene ke?) disaat itu Man U dalam kelesuan, kelembapan..

now, Man U wasn't like three years before.. well, even though I hav to admit, 06-07 was the best game style ever played by the new Man U, tp three consecutive title? perfect..

thx to the genius Fergie, membawa pembaharuan kpd line up yg kian melusuh..
Vidic, Evra, Carrick, and thx to 2006 world cup! (yg melahirkn Ronaldo yg baru..) hahah!

well,,

as Man U gets another title, diri ini mula menganalisis kronologi yg dialami.. Last Friday, ade solat hajat.. disitulah mukizat diturnkan, melihat my dad yg muke sgt down setelah dialog ini diucapkan..

"hadoi, xtaulah bole fly ke tak ni.. antare hidup mati je ni"

by looking at his face, this huge guilty surrounds me..

hoho, I cant let this happen. I cant let my dad down.. I had never let him down..
I already did it several times before, make a dramatic comeback..

camane Man U can make those dramatic camebacks, I also can! from only 1 a in august test to straight a's in final exam (2004), from none a in august test to 7a 3b in the final exam (2006), from bio yg tak pernah tpk nk score a, to a1 in trial and spm.. but for this small ICPU, how on earth I cant??

but time is running out! u wont have time kim!

yeah, maybe.. but I know I still have some hope.. and this last test before the final is my last chance..

and Now, some NOS are needed!

Frankly, its over!

2009-05-14T15:22:00.002+08:00

Yup! its over.. cpt, essay dh anta, computer sc isu (investigate study unit) dh present, calculus, dh tggl last test je, ICPU, several weeks more.. sumenye sudah nk berakhir.. due sem ditempuhi dgn berbagai2 cabaran.. byk bnde yg pd mulenya tak yakin utk dibwt, tp akhirnya mampu terlaksana..
Cabaran terhebat; mencipta golberg machine yg tak tercapai dek akal..

hai..ICPU.. program yg sgt mencabar ketahanan mental dan psikologi..

Graduation day bakal menjelang, disusuli keputusan penuh final exam.. Yg juga menentukan hidup mati.. fly or not to fly..

but Frankly like I say, Its over..
hahahaha..

degree? UTp, UniKL, UniTeN?
hmm.. but for sure, UTp rejected! (pedalaman sgt) ahhhkahkahkah!

"Rilek sude, final exam ade lg"
yeke? but like Football managers (for team in the second place) used to say,

"Mathematically we still have a chance.. But Logically, its over"
mengenal quote ini from Mourinho..

Kini, yg tggl hanyalah seorang banduan, yang menanti waktu untuk menjalani hukuman mati, tetapi bersedia utk lahir dikehidupan baru..

This Email

2009-05-05T18:32:00.003+08:00

ade la stu email yg aku pnah dpt dlu ni.. email yg byk memberi kesan dlm hidup aku.. bg korang, mugkin email yg korang slalu dpt biase je bg korang..

tp bg aku, email ni ade nilai sentimental die.. email yg sgt memberi penghargaan kpd aku!!
bkn la aku tak penah dpt penghargaan kn, even awek aku dh menghargai aku kre settle dh! hahahah!

tp, bg org mcm aku ni yg rasenye tak layak utk dpt email tu, tbe2 email tu mngatakan aku adalah org yg terplih! wow! mane taknye aku rase bgge! hahahah!

n now act dh lame dh snce last aku dpt email tu.. but then, tbe2 aku dpt lg email tu! aisehhhh,, pk2 pnye pk pnye pk, aku delete!

bg aku, biar la aku lepaskn email tu.. i have my own offer!

hahahahhaha.. so, pd pndngn korang, email apakah yg aku maksudkn ini?
a. email tawaran university
b. email tawaran masuk af
c. email mng sport toto

Casa Subang Leceh dowh

2009-05-05T12:03:00.002+08:00

ntah hape2 dowh casa subang skang ni.. dh la pakgad cam #!$$!#*! pstu now nk pki excess kad dh xleh.. pstu td tbe2 tme aku nk msuk casa pakgad die tnye sticker! hakelah.. apela msalah pakgad ni.. slame hari ni aku tak penah ade sticker pn kat moto.. tp die ckp kad dh xleh gne die tgk sticker je skarang.

"itu, kalo u tarak ada itu setiker, ini moto u kena kasi letak luar juga! u itu tarak bole kasi masuk dalam! "

hadoi, dh dasar pakgad bangla.. pokemon tol.. so, nk xnk aku pn g la mangement office, mntk sticker.. naseb baek akak jage counter cun! tp leceh gk lg!

"adek klu nk mntk sticker adek kne g sonia office dlu dek (sonia office manage student scholar taylor).. adek kne isi borang dlu ngn diorng.. "

hakelahhhhh.. bykkkk la pulak procedurenye.. aku pn g la tgkt stu msuk office sonia.. isi2 kt sane, turun balek bwh, bg excess kad aku,

"eh adek? cmane adek bole pki kad kete pulak ni? tak bole ni adek.. akak kne hold dlu nk tnye boss psl ni.,"

arghhhhh!! sumpah aku dh panas hati! cilakak tol!! cane aku bole dpt kad kete diorng gk yg bg dlu.. aku mntk nk tuka excess kad from biase.. diorng tak tnye aku naek ape then trus bg kad kete.. aku snyp jela!

pstu skarang xbole pulak.. hadoyaiiii.. pening dowh.. siyes.. aku sabar jela.. nasib la aku sbln je lg kt sini.. klu tak tsekse dowh aku.. tesekse..

sabar jela hakim.. byk gle masalah ko mggu ni.. mggu bemasalah aku dowh.. cpt cincai2.. calculus sepatah pn tak pahm.. computer, stunye harapan aku nk cover up markah lain yg jahanam, pn mcm dh xde harapan je lg dh aku rase.. kne maki lak ngn kakak ipar smlm.. hai..

aku jus bakal dibenci.. my family, her family... im nothing but a loser..

Andai Aku Di Beri Peluang

2009-05-04T04:07:00.004+08:00

Andai aku diberi peluang, ape saje, bkn peluang utk mngulang semula program icpu ni yg aku nak, tp peluang utk aku tolak tawaran icpu, n trus kn dgn impian aku, utk mnjadi pharmacist..

yep, engineering is not my field.. ingt lg aku, bln 5 2008, pemohonan aku utk mnyambung pelajaran ke overseas for pharmacy course rejected! nk kate result spm aku tak hebat, 7a1 3a2, (bio a1! gempak la jgk sket kn), so act mmg aku tak dpt sbb interview!

bkn la nk kate aku hebat sgt bab2 interview, tp aku tak diberi peluang utk menyuarakn pendapat aku.. korang bayangkn, 10 minutes was my session.. 1st, brief introduction bout myself, then an opinion about technology.. so aku pn bla bla bla, n then without any arguement from them, done!

hahah! so mmg kompom2 la aku xdpt.. n so xpe, after gado2 ngn my gf psl ni, (die pn tak dpt gk.. reason gado? panjang critanya n aku mls nk cte!) aku pn move on, prepare for admission to uia, course sc hayat.. but at the same time aku appeal gk la jpa ni.. n put 2nd choice aku engine.. tp deep inside aku dh tak mengharapkn ape2, mustahil utk appeal diterime aku rase..

so aku pn jus prepare for uia.. agak hepy sbb stu campus ngn my girl.. (mse tu xtau lg die act kt nilai aku kt pj) n then suddenly one day, pap! appeal aku diterime! perghhhh!! aku tak seronok, siyes aku tak seronok.. sbb aku dpt n my gf tak dpt..

hahahah! bapak jiwang aku kn? tp bkn jiwang menjd persoalan.. sbb, aku penah menghalang die utk msuk utp, intake jan.. yep, jht gle aku.. sbb aku nk spend time ngn die sepenuhnye afte abes spm, then suddenly die pulak dpt utp (but hebat die kn? the chosen 300!).. so aku deppressed gle, tp aku tak terang2 ckp aku tak ske die msuk, tp aku protes melalui body language.. die fhm n trus tolak utp!

n now, aku dpt fly, n shes got nothing but uia.. aku tersgt berslh dowh.. tersgt berslh.. mmg aku nk tolak jgk dh jpa ni dlu.. better aku jus peg uia, so dat all things will be fair rite!

tp one day, as my father advised, aku call my counselor kt sdar dlu, tnye opinion die, n die jwb "better awk peg hakim.. klu awk msuk uia sc hayat awk ssh nk sambung pharmacy mse degree sbb uia dh ade its own asasi pharmacy.. nnti awk end up jd scientist je.. " time tu aku xtau nk bwt ape, let things be fair, mse depan aku musnah.. but if i accept jpa, betape kejamnya aku kt awek aku..

dilemma2.. tp lastly, aku peg jugak taylor.. n tekad aku utk blaja rajin2, fly, kumpul canadian dollar, balek crik keje n married! with whom? heheh.. haa lu pk la sendiri!

tp skarang, aku rase aku dh tersalah langkah.. aku tak bole ikut sistem icpu ni, yg memerlukn konsistensi belajar, silibus bi yg mcm cilake.. alangkah bahagienye klu now aku kt uia.. tp mse depan aku nnti? i might end up jus being a scientist? tp act aku slh! sgt2 slh! my gf, die tuka from econs to dentistry, sng2 je dpt, n she says rmi je yg tuka from sc hayat to pharmacy..

tp awl2 dlu aku xde la mnyesal sgt xmsuk uia, sbb tekad aku utk kumpul dollar for her kn.. tp now, aku rase mnyesal sgt2.. klu now aku kt uia, aku dh bole blaja bidang yg aku mnat sgt, with org yg aku syg sgt.. study with her together..

klu aku tak msuk icpu ni dlu, aku tak slalu gado ngn my gf awl2 dlu, (she says dont u think yg uia sng sgt) aku tak ssh payah struggle bwt essay, or get pressured takut tak dpt fly..(xnk malu pnye psl) aku rase mybe my life will be as enjoyable as dlu.. n mungkin blog ni tak tercipte utk aku luahkn perasaan aku..

ntah la dowh.. like i say dlu, only miracle can help me fly..

C.P.T = CamPanTat !!

2009-05-03T10:54:00.002+08:00

hadoyai.. c.p.t2.. c.p.t?

cpt is culmunative performance task.. hahaha.. ni la kecelakaan icpu.. tak mcm a level or sam or ib.. aku rase icpu ni je la stu2nye program yg silibus bi die, kaji novel! fcuk!

aku dlu dh la benci kaji2 novel ni.. tak penah aku amek tau pn.. aleh2 nk exam bkk buku bace yg spot je.. tp icpu ni lg hebat dowh.. bkn kaji tema, character, biase2 cmtu je.. tp ni mcm ko kne kaji novel tu secare mnyeluruh, ape yg tersirat dlm novel tu.. perghhh..

bkn aku xleh bwt.. aku dh penah dh bwt essay from kajian novel ni.. yg paling terbaek aku rase novel Pride & Prejudice, thesis yg aku kaji btol2 n essay yg 100% pure tnpe sebarang internet reference..

tp cpt ni lg2 hebat dowh, due novel + certain poems and movies yg aku kne kaji utk cri tersirat yg general pd semue karya2 sastera ni.. lg fcuk!! bwtnye pulak independent assignmnt, bkn dr ape yg kte blaja kt klas, dan2 end of sem nnt kne present je trus..

hoho.. aku bakal mati, sbb aku bru siap 30%, 4th mei anta rough essay, 11th may exact essay, 21th mei presentation..

hmmm, aku jus mengharapkn keajaiban jela nk fly ni.. doakn2 la aku ek..

hahahaha! job done!

2009-05-03T00:28:00.000+08:00

perghhh.. aku kepenatan sial.. mmg keje aku dh siap, tp bkn cpt, mahupn calculus, tp blog ni!! hahaha! tgk2! new face of my blog! bkn la nk bangge, sbb aku tau rmi dh yg bwt, tp aku ingin tegaskn disni jgk yg aku design template blog aku! wohhhoooooo!!!

penat siallll!! sejam lebih bwt.. asiggnment laen satu haprak pn x bwt! pundek! mmg crk pasal!

so skang ni aku nk mkn, mandi, n settle cpt dowhhhh..

Kerana Big Apple!

2009-05-02T16:17:00.000+08:00

perghhh.. siries dowh.. selame hari ni aku tertipu dgn perasa2 tiruan from dunkin donuts.. tp sekarang, aku dh menjumpai cinta sejati aku.. Big Apple Donuts!! bapaklah sedap ckp ko! my fav,, Chocoholic!! hahah!

camane aku bole bekenalan dgn donut ni??

thx tu my gf!! heheh! ctenye bermule ptg kames,, afte abes klas,, awekku mngajakku berdate ke tgh lembah (mid Valley da!) then die mngajak aku ke big apple donuts.. hah? wut the heck was dat?? aku bersoleoquay dgn diri ku.. dr dlu dh die ajak act.. tp hari tu bru berkesempatan..

so aku pn g la.. ngn try mntk chocoholic.. suapan pertama,, perghhhhh!! sdap glerrrrrr bhai! lemak berkrim disukai ramai! tmbh2 pulak aku mmg hantu cokelat!

so td, karena big apple, aku sggp, sggp ke subang parade mencari big apple! bermcm2 liku dan dugaan ku tempuh, smpi moto aku kne ranjau aku ckp ko.. aku isi mnyk mencurah2 mnyk tu bocor,, ibarat cokelat yg mencurah2 ke ladang gandum make jdlah,, kokocrunch! kahkahkahkah!

tp xpe, korang sume jgn risau, setelah beberape operation yg dijalan kn ke atas moto kriss biru aku tu,, make skang dh ok.. n aku masih bole lg menrempit pg2 kul 7.50am ke taylor.. hahahaha! byk jase ko moto.. walaupn ko barai, ku ttp syg ko..

tp papepn, tujuan aku nk suh korang rase big apple! dh la apple, big pulak tu! hahahah!

haha.. blogspot.. finally

2009-05-01T23:43:00.000+08:00

sebenanye aku xde keje ni.. sumpah.. so, dlm tgh tak bwt pape aku pn mencipte la blog from blogspot niii.. so aku ta tulis dh la blog dlm fs aku.. tp xde ape pn nk tulis ni!